Show , Don’t Tell
I was running through a hot sandy world behind me was a lion roaring with his big long sharp teeth. My heart was beating as fast as someone could ever beat a drum one hundred times over and over again.I could not feel like taking another step.My feet were numb I had sand in my shoes the little pieces of sand felt like tiny pieces of glass underneath my feet.As the lion was roaring he was getting closer I was trying to sprint faster and faster.As I was running I nearly stumbled.I noticed as I was running i had my compass in my pocket I checked what way it was pointing it was pointing east but I wanted to get closer to north i'm not sure why though.I was coming up to a stop there in front of me was a sandstorm my heart kept beating forever and ever.I was starving i got a tingle in my tummy.My face felt like it was in a microwave that's just how hot it felt.I kept getting sand in my eyes but I could not think of an idea that I could do to stop it.
Hello Emily, I really liked how you didn't tell your feelings and just showed them. That really gave me a picture in my head. The advice I want to give you is just add more full stops in the right places or some punctuations.
ReplyDeleteHello Emily, Your writing is fantastic. I like how you said a lot of describing words. When you said I was starving i got a tingle in my tummy, next time you could put a capital letter. Did this take long to write? Great work keep it up. -Angel
ReplyDeleteHello Emily,Your Writing is Amazing and I liked that you had a lot of description of your writing.When I looked at it was almost like you could like run on cloud's then I saw snapshot writing I loved the big description and it made me have a picture in my head of what you were doing I bearly have any advice to give that you could do next but good bye for now-Makayla J
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